morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
