im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
