The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
