I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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