Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
