all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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