After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I AM VODKA MAN
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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