He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He kissed a someone with a penis
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
