I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
