i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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