I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
