Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
