You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
