I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
