1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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