This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
