I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
