I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
