buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
