Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
