I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want to have your abortion
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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