Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
