I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to have your abortion
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
