you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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