i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
