but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
