She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
