Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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