Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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