im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize