So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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