Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
