his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
