He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
