dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
