I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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