omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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