Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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