I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
