It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
