He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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