Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
