I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
