so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
