And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
