I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
