So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
