Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the day after is always just damage control
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
