I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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