I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
