Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
