i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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