you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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