So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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