It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
