She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
