This girl is more easily done than said...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
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I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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