Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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