did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
