I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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