see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
