definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
