I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
