Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
