You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
