so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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