The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
