Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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