STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
