So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
