haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Drake has all the answers
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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