I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
