I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
