I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
